14 Bicycle Lies

Bicycle Lies & What Is Really Meant, Truthful Or Not

• I am not going too slow.

  • You are doing a relaxed/recovery pace on purpose.
  • You chose to go on a ride that you knew would be a push and cannot keep up.
  • The huge breakfast was a bad idea.
  • Your city cruiser was the wrong bike for this ride.
  • Send me more . . .

• Today will be an easy day…also defined as:

  • We are not going too fast, this is the normal speed for this group
    • You are hoping the slower riders with drop off.
    • You are hoping everyone will drop off.
    • You are really pissed at someone and getting you aggression out.

• I am not lost. I am exploring/offering an alternative route.

  • You have no idea where you are and hope you find a familiar landmark soon.
  • You are impatiently waiting for someone to say “I know a good shortcut/alternate route.”

• I am not tired. I am just smelling the roses.

  • You are shot and have no idea why you even got on your bicycle today.
  • This was supposed to be a slower ride.

• I am not bonking. 

  • Yes, you are.

• I will be back by 1 pm

  • Only if there is a game I want to watch.

• This is a no drop ride.

  • Except, unless someone waits at every turn, you are lost if you do not know the route.
  • Sure, they will wait for you,  while you burn out trying to catch up.  As soon as they see you, the group will start up again.

• I can climbs these hills with the best of them.  I CHOSE not to.

  • You are just keeping an even pace.
  • These aren’t hills, they’re mountains.
  • You really don’t need to keep up on the climbs.

• I am not riding today because I chose not to.

  • Your significant other said “You’re going riding again?” and you realized the penalties you would reap.

• I cannot help pull the pace line today as I am under the weather.

  • About 4 miles from the end of the ride,  you suddenly recover and break away for the final stretch.
  • In our club on Long Island, NY, you would get a whole lot of attitude, however.

• I  absolutely can fix my own flat in record time.

  • You are perfectly aware that by hesitating for a moment several others will offer to do it for you.

• Today’s ride will, TENTATIVELY, be to this location via these roads.  Changes may be made.

  • Rider A – pulls ahead of you.  You change the route to add a turn before the scheduled one.
  • Riders B-G pull ahead of you.  You change the destination.
  • Riders H & K are at least five minutes back.  See No Drop Ride above.
  • Starting the ride with 15 people and returning alone.

• Does anyone need a pit stop.  Everyone says no.

  • You are hugely disappointed, since you really could have used one.
  • Several others in the group feel the same.

• Today’s ride will not be hilly/long/fast.

  • Define hilly.
  • Define long.
  • Define fast.

Some more on this.

As always, reader participation is welcome.

Glenn