14 Bicycle Lies

Bicycle Lies & What Is Really Meant, Truthful Or Not

  • I am not going too slow.

    • You are doing a relaxed/recovery pace on purpose.
    • You chose to go on a ride that you knew would be a push and cannot keep up.
    • The huge breakfast was a bad idea.
    • Your city cruiser was the wrong bike for this ride.
    • Send me more . . .
  • Today will be an easy day…also defined as:

    • We are not going too fast, this is the normal speed for this group
      • You are hoping the slower riders with drop off.
      • You are hoping everyone will drop off.
      • You are really pissed at someone and getting you aggression out.
  • I am not lost. I am exploring/offering an alternative route.

    • You have no idea where you are and hope you find a familiar landmark soon.
    • You are impatiently waiting for someone to say “I know a good shortcut/alternate route.”
  • I am not tired. I am just smelling the roses.

    • You are shot and have no idea why you even got on your bicycle today.
    • This was supposed to be a slower ride.
  • I am not bonking. 

    • Yes, you are.

  • I will be back by 1 pm

    • Only if there is a game I want to watch.
  • This is a no drop ride.

    • Except, unless someone waits at every turn, you are lost if you do not know the route.
    • Sure, they will wait for you,  while you burn out trying to catch up.  As soon as they see you, the group will start up again.
  • I can climbs these hills with the best of them.  I CHOSE not to.

    • You are just keeping an even pace.
    • These aren’t hills, they’re mountains.
    • You really don’t need to keep up on the climbs.
  • I am not riding today because I chose not to.

    • Your significant other said “You’re going riding again?” and you realized the penalties you would reap.
  • I cannot help pull the pace line today as I am under the weather.

    • About 4 miles from the end of the ride,  you suddenly recover and break away for the final stretch.
    • In our club on Long Island, NY, you would get a whole lot of attitude, however.
  • absolutely can fix my own flat in record time.

    • You are perfectly aware that by hesitating for a moment several others will offer to do it for you.
changing a flatb
The joke is always, how many cyclists does it take to change a flat tire. At least four, it seems.
  • Today’s ride will, TENTATIVELY, be to this location via these roads.  Changes may be made.

    • Rider A – pulls ahead of you.  You change the route to add a turn before the scheduled one.
    • Riders B-G pull ahead of you.  You change the destination.
    • Riders H & K are at least five minutes back.  See No Drop Ride above.
    • Starting the ride with 15 people and returning alone.
  • Does anyone need a pit stop.  Everyone says no.

    • You are hugely disappointed, since you really could have used one.
    • Several others in the group feel the same.
  • Today’s ride will not be hilly/long/fast.

    • Define hilly.
    • Define long.
    • Define fast.

Bicycle Lies - I am not going too fast


Some more on this.

As always, reader participation is welcome.